What I learned about creative courage and failures from watching my partner cook
From a young age, people called me creative. From a purely prevailing point of view, you could say that it described me well. I painted, loved to dance, and I even played the violin. So when I ended up falling in love with design and pursuing it as a career, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone.
The creative life offers many freedoms and that can mean something different to everyone. To me, it was watching my imagination soar when solving problems or enjoying the many ways I could nurture my ideas into existence. And I even relish the profound nature of design that reaches beyond my job and creeps into other aspects of my life.
But as I reveled in the freedoms it offered, I also felt from time to time, that my own making would inhibit it. And I didn’t realise how or why until I met my partner and embarked on his culinary adventures.
My partner is not a chef but he loves to cook. It’s a way of creative expression for him. He doesn’t cook an elaborate meal each time, but more often than not, he experiments.
And as with experiments, you fail often and succeed at times.
Last week, my partner was trying his hand at homemade pizza. He was so thrilled to give it a go that we went shopping for near-professional pizza-making equipment and I was ecstatic to be along for the ride ( my excuse to shop for more exquisitely crafted kitchenware that I can’t resist buying but never use because it’s too beautiful ).
Back home, he made the dough from scratch, a simple combination of flour and yogurt, and blended together a creamy red sauce. He even had rebellious fun with the toppings.
His first attempt didn’t go as planned. The pizza was undercooked, and the self-raising flour was not the best idea. But he mulled over what he could change, tried a different mixture for the dough, and let it cook a bit longer this time.
The second pizza was better. And the third one was delicious! Truly a series of creative experiments.
I have been on many of his culinary adventures. And while everything isn’t a success, he’s never deterred to try again.
I’m sure his friendship with failure is a by-product of his life as a serial entrepreneur, but I’m not here to talk about his can-do attitude. What I find most interesting about his dalliance with cooking is that he is unapologetic when things don’t go as expected. He doesn’t fret or feel embarrassed when the pizza is undercooked, the potatoes au gratin is watery, or his Indian rendition of the pasta isn’t quite what he planned.
He owns it with confidence, learns from his mistakes, and moves on. And thanks to his brazen nature toward creativity, I continue to enjoy many delectable meals.
Watching him cook made me see creative exploration in a new light. To experiment and be truly creative, one must be unapologetic about failure.
And that’s what had been holding me back. When I failed an experiment, I would feel mildly distraught. And when others were involved, I would feel embarrassed at failing so publicly.
I realised that I had a vexing relationship with failure. Some of you reading this might also relate. Many of us fear failure so much that we end up playing life safe. And when you’re choosing a creative profession or desire to make something greater than yourself, failure will be inevitable.
In fact, that’s when we learn the most about ourselves and the world. Now, this isn’t brand new information, most of us comprehend this yet we fear taking risks. We are able to fathom why failure can propel you forward yet we shy away from embracing it.
My life experiences had somehow shaped me to be intimidated by downfalls. A lack of success wasn’t an option, and so until I met my partner and embarked on his creative escapades in the kitchen, I hadn’t even recognised my burgeoning disclination to take a chance.
I could now see what was curbing me from enjoying the freedoms of a creative life or being part of something greater than myself ( a dream I desired from a young age ). Design in its enlightened way, is a series of experiments. And to be an innovative designer, I had to set my trepidation free and embrace failure.
Take a second to reflect now. Does this sound familiar? If you look back at the last years, what pattern will you see? A trail of chances (that may or may not have panned out) or days that were precariously guarded (that no new opportunities arose).
I was somewhere in the middle — I took chances but only when there wasn’t much to lose. Creativity thrives on curiosity which in turn needs courage to come a full circle.
So here are 3 things I learned as I observed my partner brewing, broiling, and baking in the kitchen.
- Failure can taste bitter at first (literally in the case of culinary disasters) but it’s a lesson in disguise. The only true failure is inaction. It is guaranteed to keep you where you are or worse, set you back. I really like how Tony Fadell says it in his book, Build — “ Every step you take towards a goal, even if it’s a stumble moves you forward.”.
- To feel confident to take a risk, you must understand the ecosystem of the challenge. My partner doesn’t cook with a recipe, but he understands the chemistry of the ingredients well enough to break the rules.
- Not everyone embraces failure naturally but you can learn to become friends with it. I now rely on my partner to help me navigate the discomfort of a loss. Finding a professional mentor or a loved one to support you can be a good start.
It’s my turn to cook today, so I better get going. After writing this article, I do feel creatively charged and might just cook up a storm in the kitchen. I am organised though and will likely start with a plan of what I hope to finally plate. But I am excited to experiment and if I fail, that’s okay — there’s always takeaway. 🙃
Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you. 🙌
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